More disorganized thought coming up. I think first thing on my mind is KKPP. I've been working hard this month...! I've written a lot in order to make next dev log feel meatier. I do feel a bit self conscious when it's so short... I feel like so much more should be done... But it feels hard to fully quantify work, especially in writing. For now, I can sum it up in page counts. I'm working on Rie's storyline, but I've finished Chihiro's first draft. Theres a lot more to both, but I'll actually talk that out in the dev log (if I remember). Anyway-- the current total page count for KKPP documents, main game and bonus included, is 326 pages. Granted, it's written out in play-esque format, so theres white spaces, but still I'm impressed with myself! I keep thinking of new ideas to add on...! My girlfriend worries for me, but most things are easily do-able. I have been wondering if I can dip my toe into coding...? Even just a shell... However, the bad side of that is that whole leaving in stuff I don't need and causing a mess of my own files of what I need and don't need... I need to get better at markup-- I swear I am in homework...!!
I've made hair finally for my Akiko doll..! I don't exactly like how it looks, so I might re-make it at some point, but it works for now...! Like with Tama, her hair is made out of yarn that's been brushed out. I don't know exactly how to style her pigtails... So I'm leaving them like that for now. I do want to make her a new shirt... One day all my dolls will be dressed...!
I also have been into music lately (shocker...!) (I mean this as 'more than normal' as sometimes I go long periods not listening to new music.) Lately, I've listened to Pinokiwo's new album, Record! I've been debating doing a review of it, which it's a pretty amazing album that makes me kind of emotional to think about all the work that went into it. I do feel like it's harder to review foreign music since I can't talk about the lyrics, and thats a big factor. However, on a quick review: it's a lovely album and it deserves recognition and praise. The booklet included is gorgeous as well... I'm not just saying this because my name was included in it...! Though that does make me feel extra emotional over it (I just am so happy it's here.).
Aside from Pinokiwo I've also been listening to a good deal of Prince. I've only known Prince from When Doves Cry, but I've been obsessing over 'The Ballad of Dorothy Parker' and 'If I Was Your Girlfriend'. Both songs sonically and lyrically are so amazing in two completely different ways. The reason I listened to Dorothy Parker in the first place is this one interview with Kevin Barnes from of Montreal . Specifically the part where he says-- ' I love him ordering a fruit cocktail at a restaurant because he's not that hungry. Like, why are you going to the restaurant if you're not hungry? '. The interview is fun as well-- It covers Ur Fun, which is the tour I actually got to see oM on. Is it my favorite album of theirs? No... But that's all for a different day. Anyway, Dorothy Parker has also made me want to draw Yukio and Himiko art, but they've been on my mind for a whole different reason as well (coming up...). If I Was Your Girlfriend is equally as impressive sonically. The fraughtness in that song and the desperation is so palpable-- and god, that outro to that ending is a whole experience in it of itself...! Amazing, amazing. I really need to listen to the whole album.
The other artist I've listened to a lot is Miharu Koshi. I heard her music first through her video for Heidenröslein, which features Norimizu Ameya. Those, like me, who have an interest in underground art may know that name from the Tokyo Grand Guignol. Recently, I found out she actually was part of that troupe and played Marin in the original LHC stageplay. I have a special interest in Grand Guignol theater-- which relates to something I'll go into in a bit (related to the other pin-in-it about Himiko and Yukio). Anyway, apparently she also worked with Haruomi Hosono, who helped produce for Yellow Magic Orchestra as well! Small world...! Anyway, her voice is really gorgeous and has been soothing to put on as I write KKPP's script.
Pin out time-- I've also been back to reading a little. I have a book that I actually coveted for years, got, and didn't read for a while... Oops... Anyway, It's a book on the Grand Guignol in Paris. I remember being in my teens scowering the internet for any piece of information I could get on it. A lot has become more easily available, but I always love more and more! Anyway, I finished the section covering the history, and I'm planning to dive into the section covering the actual plays soon. How this ties into Yukio and Himiko is they met in underground theater based off of the Grand Guignol's idea... So it's been inspiring me to want to draw them. I think Valentine's art has also caused that... When will I? I don't know. I've been busy with my comic.
Speaking of my comic! I've been working really hard on it! As of typing this, I just got the rough drafts done. It's the longest chapter so far, at 19 pages.... But they'll be some extra! I keep debating if 1 page at a time is better than a whole chapter, but I don't know... I personally prefer when a whole chapter is out of a comic at a time because it helps me not loose my place. In general, It's been taking up most of my artistic time, which is fine with me. I need to free myself from the self-imposed issues I have with posting art on a regular basis.
I've also started Hana-Kimi, the 2007/08 adaptation. I've only seen episode 1 but I loved it so much! It's so of the time, but in a way I overall really dig. I can look past the really dated elements to enjoy the rest of it. I love how the ML's hair is such a specific type of 00s emo... The outward flares... So cool...!!! I liveblogged the whole thing to my girlfriend lol. I do have to say, it makes me nostalgic in a way. I wasn't into dramas as a kid, but friends of mine LOVED them. I may be late to the party, but I'm glad in recent years I've finally watched some dramas. I love messy and trashy things a lot... And I feel this'll scratch my itch in a good way.
I think the last part of this rambling I'll relate to what I said in the last part about nostalgia. I think that's been a theme again lately for me, and one that's always hard for me to reckon with. Recently, I watched Andrei Tarkovsky's Mirror . There's a line in one of the poems in it refering to nostalgia-- "everything will still be ahead / everything will be possible." I feel I didn't fully get the movie my first watch on a thinking level, but it did hit a weird sadness and emotion in me, that for some reason I couldn't help cry thinking about it, particularly when that section came up. Lately I've had bad nostalgia for a period around 2007 - 2011... ish. I miss a lot of the old web I grew up around. I feel everything is so segmented and closed off now. I hate the fact to join anything it feels like you have to join a discord group-- man, you can't even lurk first in those. I've always been someone who prefers to lurk rather than engage, but if I'm going to engage, I like feeling confident in the energy in the room. Public forums being lesser and lesser feels like a death of that. I wish so badly to have community again, but nothing speaks to me enough to want to take that leap. Not to keep ragging on Discord servers, but I really like leaving a message about a topic and going... It's one thing if you're one on one, but in a group setting, I feel as if I wash downstream accidentally and loose the lead, feeling unwanting to swim back to current conversation. I guess it's overwhelming. I miss RP groups too... If only I was medicated a lot earlier, maybe things would be different. I feel I missed out so much due to anxiety, but I also feel now the landscape is so different from when I was younger. It felt so much easier to make friends online-- even years ago. Hell, when I first got active on Twitter back in around 2018, 2019 or so, it was so much easier to make friends. Now, I don't feel like going out of my comfort zone, but also I feel wracked by such nerves even trying. Medicine wouldn't have fully fixed an 18 year old me, but maybe I could've been into RP groups again for real. When I was a kid, that's all I did--- RP day to night. Hell, I RP'd with someone I knew from school on YouTube back in the day... Through messages! Oh, how that dates me... I don't know where I'm going with this. I feel I have this panic every few months, but there's no salve for it. I just try and shut out the world and pretend it's back then, but I'm older and better.
There's not much else to say from this point about much. I'm just going to keep going about my life.
3:57 PM ... 02.22.2025