Year: 2023
Rating: 2.0 / 10
I didn't want to watch this movie. I did end up, in fact, watching it.
I originally saw a clip of this movie online and thought it looked like it sucked so hard... I should've stayed with only watching that clip.
The movie had promise! A lot of it! If more care went into it, I think I would've actually ended up enjoying it a lot more. However, this movie had a few good veneers and the acting was good to would-be-good-if-this-leaned-on-camp... But, that being said, it's still a waste of time.
The movie starts off with a god-awful voice over. I think the voice over implies that we are looking back at it, because it feels a lot more like an aggressive 90s cut... No, that's being generous. It sounds like someone's school project, or a Storage Wars voice over. It sets up the tone of what we're watching and the lore... And of course first annoyance comes soon: there is no disease in the world other than cancer that leads to death! Now, perhaps this is my own personal bias, but anything that automatically goes: "we need something that kills people... Oh yeah, cancer." always feels cheap unless done right, and by god, this is not done right!
I don't remember the exact sequencing, but we set up that this is a talkshow with mid ratings in the 70s, there's tabloids of a guy linked to a "gentlemen's association" (one of those old fuck ones, not the kind with strippers) and it's a Halloween showing. Okay, whatever.
The first point I should make is how badly jumbled the quality of this movie is. It's like they wanted to do a 70s style but didn't want to fully commit to it. Of course, I'm looking at this through the eyes of someone born decades after the 70s... But YouTube does exist and I used to watch a lot of things from the 70s-90s, from live music to religious sermons to talkshow segments, music performances on TV and game shows. I'd put my level of knowledge of film as better than your random person on the street, worse than a professional or someone who was alive to see it live. However... I can tell you there is no consistency in the "footage" of the shooting. Sometimes it's grainy, othertimes it's a lot clearer. Now, yeah, that can make sense... if it goes in and out of focus because it's older footage, but it still felt off no matter how you look at it.
There's a screen flicker early on that feels so modern and out of place that it looks so purposefully placed it takes you out of the time period you're supposed to be in. It feels more like cheesy WWE effects rather than an earnest attempt at replicating old film. There are more painful screen things that look bad-- no matter if you're genuinely trying to emulate the time or update it (i.e., the actual "horror" segments of it). I love bad 70s horror movies and man, they made it look so much better than this garbage. It felt more like a laugh on 70s effects than an attempt to replicate them in good fun.
I think aside from the look being bad the biggest issue was... It's just boring. It's an 1h 30m, but it feels like a 2 hour movie easily. It's not even that things necessarily dragged on and on it just feels like so little happened and the suspense they tried to build just didn't feel suspenseful. I think the more they built it just felt boring... There's a psychic who people discount but oo he's right. There's another horrible footage montage that does not feel time-accurate at all in quality, but there's a young girl that survived a satanic cult. The young girl comes out with her therapist (the girl is supposed to be 13... But like... That actress is 18-20.) and ooo she's possessed. They try and debunk it and it goes back and forth.
I will take a break from a plot summary to say one thing-- there was a single good sequence in this film. I think the part with the worms coming out of the guy's eye and stomach were good! Not good as in "oh my god, so scary" but good in a way that made me laugh. (For further context, this was on some debunking scene where a hypnotist showed off how he could recreate "showing something paranormal" to the crowd).
Anyway, more talking about this kid and the satanic shit. It ends with some weird dream-mind-weird sequence and shit where the host ends up killing everyone on stage. Wow, shocker!
Aside from the worm part, I do think the inbetween cards are cute but I hesitate to give full credit. There is AI usage in the movie, and I don't know if they are as well. They flash by quickly, so it's hard to tell. However, you can definitely tell the AI usage on the stage/show's literal icon and it looks so bad...
That's about it for my thoughts on it. It was boring and isn't even worth a hate watch. If you want something good, shorter, and with a similar feel, just watch the music video for The Garden's "Thy Mission". The special effects in that are higher quality than this shitshow.
Year: 1971
Rating: 7.0 / 10
This has been a review it’s taken me a bit to stew over. I’ve seen some Shūji Terayama films/shorts before and liked them a lot– Pastoral is one I’ve returned to about 2 more times since seeing it. Visually, I think he really had an eye for film.
The storyline of this is looser, and I’ve seen it referred to as vignettes. I don’t know exactly how to describe this film beyond that. Some scenes were incredibly uncomfortable; but I know they were meant to be, and were handled I’d say okay, especially for the time (“Okay” in this sense being it didn’t feel as exploitative as it could’ve been ).
I’m still trying to cohesively think about my feelings on it overall. Like I said, the film is amazing visually, with cuts that break up the colors. The opening and ending monologues are interesting, and the theme of the film being disillusionment and the disenchantment of youth and the world around you comes across clear. The protagonist of the story, an unnamed boy, feels effected by the world around him but doesn’t seem to do a lot to change his own trajectory in life; he can’t change his grandmother and father who are criminals, his attempts to change his sister seems futile, the people around him are corrupt. He seems to have given up on himself and the world around him, along with an innocence lost and an apathetic view on it. There’s obviously some underlying things about sexuality; as it seems the main character has a uneasy expression with it (they flash to a younger boy being taken advantage of; I think it’s supposed to be the main character / he seems uncomfortable more than anything being with a prostitute his friend brought him to / he doesn’t know how to handle the horrific scene in the changing room).
I think more than anything, the film really captures a very apathetic and bleak view of youth as you grow up; the fact people around you seem to disappoint in their antics, a general feeling of lack of change, that what you’re going through will be lost to time, all with the back drop of some very interesting music and artistic choices. It’s not as refined as Pastoral, but I do think it does stand on it’s own and it’s an interesting start to feature length films as far as Terayama is concerned. It's one I might revisit in the future because I'm sure there's more I could say on it later down the line on a second watch through.
Year: 2018
Rating: 8.0 / 10
My first foray into the Neil Breen cinematic universe! And it was shared with my girlfriend! I’ve wanted to watch a Neil Breen film for around a year now, since I saw a video on him. No matter what you think of his films, they seem to always be in their own category. People liken him to Tommy Wiseau, and I can definitely see the comparison, but there is a distinct difference in both their styles.
Anyway, actually onto the movie itself, Twisted Pair! Let me say, I do not fully understand this film. Most of the time I was confused on which brother is which, and I still don’t fully get what was going on. However, I think the plot is on the backseat, as that’s not exactly where the enjoyment came from. I couldn’t help but continually smile upon seeing the strange stock footage combined with jarring green screen effects. Did it flow at all? No. Do I respect it? Yes! Yes I do! He had a vision, and no matter what, he was going to release it.
What I can say of the plot is this: humanoids, programmable virtual reality, two brothers– one evil, one good– and the directions their lives went in. It was hard to tell which brother was which until Neil Breen got the Neil Beard... And even then, the names had me confused which was named which. They both had girlfriends and hadn’t seen each other for a while. The good brother was just vibing... Doing something to help the world. The evil brother was torturing(?) politicians and other evil-doers... Which honestly is pretty sick in a good way. Go him! But, I will say how it was done was strange as in the guys kept moaning and it was at first hard to make out what was going on... Strange choice, but you know, #respect.
The more characters added the more confusing the plot became. There was some council of people, an evil guy with some sort of audio overlay to make him sound evil, and a fairy lady. None of these people do I fully understand their purpose. However, my favorite detail was these strange cat things that I think were supposed to be alive in some capacity. I think they were cute : )
I think all in all, this movie is best viewed completely with no further context. I think it’s something you have to go into just sitting back and watching where it takes you. I had a ton of fun with it just letting it take me on it’s own journey, and I’m happy I watched it, and thats all I can really ask for with a film. I’m excited at some point to watch more Neil Breen films as well!
Year: 1967
Rating: 6.5 / 10
When I chose to watch this movie I had a simple goal: I wanted something light and something I didn’t have to think heavily about. My instinct was to pick a horror movie and that is what I chose.
We get filled into the main characters of the story pretty quickly: The Merrye family has a genetic condition that causes decline from puberty on, going back to the state of an infant or as it was further teased, “even more”. This bloodline has since ended, and we're about to find out how. We’re quickly greeted to a lavish estate, a soon-to-be-killed postman, and two young girls. One of the girls does the killing, likening herself to a spider, and the other admonishes her for it. Soon, the lawyer looking after the family comes home and we meet another member of the family, Ralph, who the lawyer took to get medical care.
The lawyer isn’t worried at all about the murder, other than the fact that it could make people look down upon them. The lawyer reads the letter and informs the girls that distant relatives are coming to the house to seemingly take over the estate and take their wealth and home. This of course is bad news, as the lawyer promised their father he'd look after them, and these relatives certainly will want to take them away.
I think this movie isn’t bad. It has heavily dated moments about it in terms of terming that does feel jarring to a modern audience (yes, I realize it was the time, but I'm reviewing it as a modern viewer in 2024), and the main trope being quite contentious (horror and medical issues mixing; but I do have to say I at least have respect they choose a made up disease instead of throwing a dart at an illness that affects real life people).
I think it does do a good job of suspense and has a good set up. I think the harkening back to lead actor Lon Chaney Jr.’s previous horror films is cute as a nod, and he does a wonderful job as the layer in the film. I think his character really helps tie it together, as he's someone who wants to genuinely take care of the inhabitants of the house. I think the horror works right, and the scene with the corpse in the bed while you knew you were going to see something ghastly was well done and well-timed; same with seeing the other hidden members of the family at the last moment.
I don’t think this is a perfect film, but it is exactly what I wanted at the moment. The acting is good, the cinematography and set is good, the story is good enough, especially in a time before other better known horror movies that have a similar theme. I think it's also an interesting diversion, making it a well off old money family, looking to be in California instead of the typical backwoods southern type who are often portrayed in these sorts of movies revolving around inbreeding and horror.
Year: 2023
Rating: 10.0 / 10
Mid-may, I was thinking, “When did I last cry over a movie? Not tear up, genuinely cry?” well, the answer is this movie. This movie was such a hidden gem and so beautifully crafted. A movie like this, usually you get typical arc of “Alien lands -> alien becomes humanized -> alien is threatened and leaves”. While yes the arc of the story is that in the simplest terms, the actual meat and potatoes of this is so much more.
This movie opens to Milton, a man who's life seems on some sort of loop as he's gotten older; wake up, go throughout his day, attend council meetings and say the same thing: Change the town motto because it's confusing and get a crosswalk in on a certain place. However, this monotony is broken when an alien crashes into his yard. It takes him a bit to actually see what the hubbub is about, but when he does, he ventures to nurse the thing back to health and get it prepared to be on its way. Along the way, he tries to tell people about this visitor, but is laughed off. However, he ends up with two older ladies who find out about this and promise him secrecy, worried about the reprocussions he could face by housing the critter.
I think this movie is done brilliantly. It has enough humor in it to warrant the comedy of it, it’s silly and cute, but it also does a fantastic job of being human enough to touch on the deeper aspects of the movie– namely, aging, empty nesting, losing a loved one mentally but not physically, grief, ect. I think it fleshes out the main three characters of this movie and how they got to this point beautifully; Milton is having some troubles with his mental state deteriorating, living alone, his daughter seems to be less than receptive and his son not responding at all (he remarks he understands why; seeing himself as not being there for him.). Sandy, one of the older ladies, is in a similar predicament, she loves her daughter but rarely sees her or her grandchild, mentioning her daughter and her wife are appeasing her daughter’s mother in law instead of coming home to a welcoming environment; not only that, but Sandy is going through grief, loosing her husband semi-recently, who also was declining mentally. Last out of the trio is Joyce, who never settled down typically, and is wistful of her youth– in some ways, missing it, in others, wishing she had made different choices– and her only companion is her elderly cat, who she keeps alive, delaying the inevitable despite his massively declined health.
The film does such a beautiful job depicting these issues in a human way: warmly, sadly, understanding how and why our protagonists act accordingly. When a movie, especially one with fantastical elements, can make you forget it’s just a story and bring out emotions, it’s amazing. I think the way the protagonists bonded with the alien was lovely, along with becoming closer friends.
This movie reminds me of one I watched not so long ago, “I’m Totally Fine”. The surface level comparison is evident, it’s about lonely people who meet an alien. In both, they tackle the issues of grief and loneliness so well, while both doing it in incredibly different and interesting ways. Both movies are wonderful in their own regard, and my comparison only serves for saying “if you like one, you could really like this one as well”.
All in all, I think it’s just a sweet movie with a lot of heart behind it. The last 30 minutes I spent tearing up and eventually crying. It’s a good watch front to back, and is definitely a standout for the month.
Year: 1967
Rating: 6.5 / 10
So, another case of I wanted to watch a certain type of movie; On the day I watched this, it was similar to before: A shorter movie, one that maybe I didn’t have to think too hard on. I found this in my drive and decided upon it.
We start off with a public execution, and fast forward ahead to a certain lawyer who has just gotten an invite to a castle by a count named Regula. He sets out to find out where the castle, Andomai, is, having trouble finding anyone who knows or wants to talk about it. Eventually, he finds a coach that’ll take him containing a priest who’s heading out that way to baptize a child.
He sets out right after another carriage containing a woman and her maid. This carriage gets robbed, and the women inside of the carriage join up with our lead. Both the woman and our lead have an issue: they are in search of answers of their past. They get out when the priest makes a notion that an inn is coming up, but they discover it has been burned down and is in ruins. In the ruins, they find an old man who doesn’t say a word to them. As they leave, the man takes off some garishings to his face, showing it was a disguise, and the building further collapses.
The carriage driver refuses to go further, but is ultimately convinced by the priest pulling out a gun. As they go further into the woods, the carriage driver sees limbs and bodies coming out of trees which make for a really interesting effect. This further escalates, as the driver sees hanging bodies in the night as well as bodies on the road. The driver ends up dying and we can see these weren’t total illusions, as the corpses were there, just more decayed than previously shown. The man from before shows up again and shows himself to be following them. He comes and steals the carriage, taking the helm.
The priest and the MC continue on, trying to catch up to the carriage but instead run into the ruins of Castle Andomai and see the gravestone of Count Regula. They watch into the castle and get trapped in; the interior of it seeming like a perfect puzzle game setup, not far from the likes of Resident Evil. However, they don’t need to solve a puzzle, as a guy comes up to them. Lilian, the woman from earlier, is there but under some sort of spell. This doesn’t last long and we soon find out the intentions of the count: Revenge!
I think this movie does a good job of being very atmospheric, especially with it’s sets. I think that’s always one of the most important things to be about a good ol’ creepy castle movie. I also really liked the exterior shots of the woods and the town, and even the more “set-esque” set pieces, like the graveyard. I think it had a certain charm to it. I also did really like the part where there were limbs strewn about in the trees; while not the most shocking thing, I think that part was done really well and especially how it seemed to blur the lines of actuality and in the driver’s head.
I think the story was fine; it was interesting, nothing too complex or anything and pretty predictable. Acting was fine, though sometimes it threw me how calm the main dude was acting in these situations, only breaking during the pendulum scene slightly. I think the special effects were really fun, especially the scene with the bullet hole closing up and the other stop motion effects.
Also, a small note, it wasn’t comedy but there was a moment that caught me off guard: "So these are the 12 murdered girls..." "yes, but thats no reason why you shouldn't make yourself at home". And lesser so, the part where the MC falls into a pit initially caught me off guard as well and I couldn’t help but laugh a bit.
Do I think this is the most unique movie of its kind ever? No. Do I regret watching it? No, not at all. It was fine and was entertaining enough, definitely on par with other European horror from this time. Also, as someone who grew up reading Poe, it takes a good deviation from the story it drew inspiration from, The Pit and the Pendulum, turning it into something new while still being entertaining.
5:18pm .. .. // 6.1.2024