Year: 1970
Rating: 1.5 / 10
Content Warnings: Animal death (I’d guess some real), Lots of gross noises (farting, burping, ect), Sex/sexual references/Nudity, Cannibalism, Blood/Death (some is fake, some seems to be real war footage), References to nazism/swatsikas, Car accident
Summary: After running away from her own wedding, a woman embarks on a strange journey.
I didn’t really care for this film. The one thing I can say for it is the cinematography was really fun. I also thought the lead actress was quite pretty and loved her makeup throughout the film. I can’t really say if it was good acting because it was pretty nonsensical. Because of its nature, I don’t also have a lot to say either. I also really don’t like the use of putting real animals in upsetting situations.
For me, it’s what I'd call a gifset film: The aesthetic shots are the nicest part, and it’s not really worth the experience otherwise in my opinion.
Year: 2019
Rating: 6.5 / 10
Content Warnings: Sexual mentions
Summary: A woman who detests romcoms finds herself placed in one after getting mugged.
If you’ve seen my previous reviews, it’s no secret I don’t watch a lot of romcoms (let alone romantic movies). I have nothing against the genre, it just doesn’t really come across my to-watch often.
I think this movie is cute. I think it does a decent job of deconstructing some of the tropes associated with (especially 2000s) romcoms (to public knowledge, from someone who doesn’t watch them often at least). It’s cute, it’s quirky. I think it’s cute. I do like self-aware things, but I don’t feel it falls too far into cynicism for it to be like an “anti-romcom” romcom– which is nice. It was a type of movie where the cast looked to be enjoying themselves, which is always nice.
Year: 2004
Rating: 7.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Light homophobia, Implied sex
Summary: Spies in training seek out wanted criminal Lucy Diamonds. However, star of the academy, Amy, finds herself interested in her in more ways than one.
Going into this movie I had like 0 hopes. To be honest, it really is judging a book by its cover type of moment. A 2004 movie centered around women who are teenage/early 20s with a lesbian theme and a cover that has skimpy schoolgirl outfits does not inspire confidence, I will say. However, this was a pleasant surprise!
I was scared it’d be more of a schlocky sexplotation with 00s era humor/sensibilities (I can take sexplotation but WITH 00s era humor would just be mindnumbing), but honestly, it really holds up well. It’s a genuinely fun movie with an enemies-to-lovers plot that really unfolds in an endearing and cute manner. Hell, even the side romance plot is enjoyable. It also had a hell of a soundtrack.
All of the characters bonded really well together. I think they chose really good actors that suited the roles well. I also do want to say the homophobia in the film was rather light (content marked it just in case for a few instances), which in a film like this was really nice because you didn’t need that to be the point of tension, the good vs. evil thing was truly enough on its own.
I don’t get why it had such a low score on IMDB– which is part of the reason why I watched it anyway (I’ve been trying to watch “lower rated” films). Do I think it reinvents the wheel? No. But can I appreciate a cute and endearing love story with an action twist.
Year: 1998
Rating: 6.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Death, Car crashes, Blood, Violence
Summary: A teenage girl dies after being hit by a truck. Her father aims to bring her back in the form of a computer program. However, a rival company kills him and seeks out her program, now on her friend’s computer.
Making a cohesive explanation of this film took effort. If I were to describe this film, I’d honestly call it a mess. I’ve enjoyed other Takashi Miike films, so I was surprised this one had such bad reviews... Then I got into it.
I feel like the word camp sometimes gets thrown around too much, especially towards films that are just not good, but... Honestly, I’d call this camp. It’s not a total loss of a film. It’s not billed as comedy, but there are genuinely some baffling choices that made me have to pause to laugh at what the hell was going on.
The plot really does not make any fucking sense. I think it’s easy to establish that. Nothing is really thought out well enough that makes it good. However, the fact it makes no sense is part of the charm. A lot of it does ride on vibes and at points it really does feel like a bad 90s video game.
One thing that stood out is the main antagonist, for a few reasons. Firstly, let me establish who he is: some random white guy from an English speaking country who has some incredibly peculiar fashion tastes. I’m guessing he was supposed to be like the weird American CEO type... But genuinely I’m so confused. This is not aided by the fact that in my opinion, he’s like... impossible to understand. Why? Because he speaks in English but at the same time there’s like a text-to-speech translation of what he’s saying in Japanese. In my version, this was not subtitled, and honestly I couldn’t make out a damn thing because of the overlay.
We also have to get to the acting: It’s... Not the best. It’s not “student film by middle schoolers” level, but it’s really not anything to write home about either. To be fair to the actors: Look at the script– who could’ve worked with this.
Now for a compliment: God I love visions of tech in 90s films mixed with the tech at the same time. It’s gaudy and fun, I kind of live for it. Even if a movie is shitty, I will always appreciate the tech stuff because I just find it so endearing.
Another compliment: Around halfway into the film, for no fucking reason, after escaping a car crash, there’s a music video segment. It makes no sense, adds nothing storywise to the film... But you know, I dig it.
To add to the confusion, we see the main guy, Yu, go on a date at some amusement park with the program. You might think, “as a hologram?” No, he spends the whole movie lugging around a bulky ass laptop-ish thing. There are holograms in this movie but she is not one of them! Which makes it even more confusing as she can see even when the lid is closed. She also can infect other people’s devices like... She manages to call everyone on a bus and talk on one kid’s phone...? Also, genuinely do not get the whole deal with the half-brother. Also the ending part where the 2ndary bad guy gets so choked up over the memories of the dead girl that he decides “nvm im good now” is both confusing and really funny.
All in all: Is it a good film? Not really. But do I think it’s fun to watch if you want something that makes little to no sense but is kind of fun? Yeah. I can’t give this a horrible rating because at the end of the day it made me laugh a lot.
Year: 2013
Rating: 5.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Sex (no nudity), Vomiting, Stalking, Blood/Gore [Foot trauma, really fake decapitation in the beginning], Light nudity (breasts), Unsanity/Gross (Guy having an insane bowel movement)
Summary: A man is fired from his job on the last day of his Disney vacation with his family. From then on, everything spirals around him.
In a movie like this, I kept thinking “imagine you have videos of your kids at Disney but it’s this film”. This is really THE final boss of art films in a way, I feel like it hits on every note people joke on minus being a 30-hour performance art piece.
I will give this movie its flowers: For what it is, and the legacy it has as a bad movie... I’ve seen a lot worse. The acting is subpar, the effects are cheesy, it doesn’t really have a good execution overall... But the filming, especially for guerilla style, isn’t bad and I think it’s at least it’s own. I can’t say I’ve ever seen a weird horny sort of cyber-punk virus movie set at Disney or any other theme park and I doubt I will again.
Honestly, I do think this film is worth a watch in tandem with reading about the production because it really is interesting.
... Though hey, why was this film so horny–
Year: 2025
Rating: 5.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Blood/Gore, Death, Abuse
Summary: A retelling of Frankenstein– a story in which a scientist reanimates a stitched-together corpse.
I think a movie like this is why I tend to try and not get my hopes high about movies. I’m a massive fan of Guillermo Del Toro’s Pan’s Labyrinth, so that alone got me excited to see this. However, I guess my take-away is it was just kind of... Okay?
To preface this: Nothing about this movie was technically bad (except maybe those CGI animals, but honestly, I don’t mind them being bad at all). I think it set out on its primary cycle of abuse theme and did it well enough. One thing I actually really loved were the horror elements in terms of the monster prototypes (the head/arm in the beginning, the body partially through-- both were super cool!!).
Let me get this out of the way: I’m not a fan of the particular stylization. There’s a certain gaudiness that comes off of it. I know some people like this, but it reminds me of both Nosferatu 2024 and Bram Stoker's Dracula... Both didn’t really care for some of the artistic choices. I realize probably all 3 of these opinions aren’t popular, but all three I didn’t vibe with in a similar way (though I bailed on BS’s Dracula in the last 20; Nosferatu and this I finished and both I'd consider "okay"-- neither I'd care to rewatch though). Also, maybe this is an unpopular opinion... But I think it'd be better if he didn't just look like some guy. Like yeah, yeah he looks "different" enough, especially when it's supposed to be set in times when human zoos were a thing and people with disabilities were made into spectacles but... He really did just look like some tall guy with some scars instead of a monsterous creature made out of rotting flesh. (I know at least in the 1931 Universal Classic Frankenstein he's some guy too, to that critique isn't limited to this film... But in 2025 I kind of expected something more monster-like.)
I think in this movie’s case, I feel like it was kind of lackluster in the script and writing. Nothing felt very fleshed out or 3D. I really wish they did more with Elizabeth. I feel like her character was painfully underutilized, especially in relation to The Monster ( I keep seeing people make reference to her death scene but it felt... Very hollow to me in the whole scope of things. She was nice to him one time and they make it almost like a big romantic thing...? ). I don’t quite remember what role, if any, she had in previous versions, but her death felt very sharp and unneeded... In general, I think the second half of the movie felt very underdeveloped especially in contrast to the start.
Year: 1992
Rating: 2.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Painful horniness/Sex, Cartoon violence, Death, Vehicular accident (caused by drunk driving)
Summary: A cartoonist gets wrapped up in the world he created and falls for a cartoon woman that wants to go into the real world.
I’ve known about this for years and I’ve wanted to see it for so long. I’ll be honest, I barely knew anything about this aside from 1 fact and the thing that put it on my radar: A soundtrack with a LOOOOT of My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult.
... This movie is so painfully horny it had me thinking on the lines between erotica and sheer horniness. Whenever they were trying to be sexy, it just felt more cringey... Any sort of sex humor was also really painful and overall it just was not enjoyable. For a movie that so heavily relied on cartoon logic and stuff it just was not... Funny at all. It really did feel like trying too hard and it made it very unenjoyable. There are so many throw away characters, it kind of just feels like clutter and as much as they could fit on screen. I can say 1 good thing: The art direction was good overall, especially the backgrounds. However, the blending of 2D and 3D looked kind of messy at times and was not meshing right, which made it kind of hard to say that it was a fully good execution.
The plot is pretty... Bland despite a concept that could’ve been more interesting. I think the crux of it being so much about sex harms it more than anything because it just becomes kind of schlocky. Take out the cringey sex, it’s not even really entertaining and just ends up being quite boring, and to me, that’s worse than being straight up bad.
Rather than occupy yourself with this, it’d be more worthwhile to just listen to 2 hours of My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult, and hell, maybe read a bit about it's troubled production instead-- you’ll have a much better time.
Year: 2024
Rating: 7.5 / 10
Content Warnings: Cheating, Vehicular accidents, Posting sexual videos without consent
Summary: A couple’s daughter gets a role in a film. However, as the wife is busy taking care of their infant, he starts to fall in love with the female lead in the film.
I really do think this is a big case of “if you had told me the synopsis, I wouldn’t have been interested”. However, I genuinely really liked this one and the execution really carried it through. I think it managed to be engaging and do a good job ruminating on the underlying feelings of the main characters while not overstaying its welcome either. The slow unraveling of the couple’s history is also really nicely done and they did a good job revealing it within a natural pacing. And oh, the ending– absolutely perfect, the whole last 20, 30 of it. I didn’t know what note it would end on, but in my opinion, it was quite satisfying.
Year: 2023
Rating: 4.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Incest, Murder, Kidnapping, Imprisonment
Summary: After being kidnapped as a baby, a man seeks to reconnect with his birth family and ends up finding out his biological brother and mom are alive in Portugal. He sets out with his girlfriend to find them.
I really wanted to like this movie. The first half set up some nice intrigue but it all really came crashing down at the second half. I felt there were too many weird plotholes and convolutions that just made it not so enjoyable by the end. I think there was an interesting story somewhere in there, but it just did not land. The whole supernatural witch thing didn’t really... Make much sense at all when they were trying to explain it all– and that was a lot of the undercurrent. They also didn’t explain much about how this guy was kidnapped in Portugal and landed in America (and like, if he was adopted out from an American couple, they didn’t show it; it just sounded like he lived in the foster system.) Also, the main woman, the guy’s girlfriend... Annoying as hell with her decision making. You find out the woman your boyfriend is connecting with seems to be an incestous witch who kidnapped a man and you... Don’t tell him any of that you’re just like “yeah let’s go.”-- not even a “I’ll tell you later”...? Come on now... She’s a doctor for fucks sake, be a little smarter!!!!
I didn’t hate the movie but it was a let down and didn’t really come together well.
3:29pm .. .. // 12.01.2025