Year: 1999
Rating: 5.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Sex, Nonconsenting filming, Unsanitary
Summary: A group of guys want to lose their virginities before they go to college.
* Beyond Clueless List
It's fine. I think it would have a bigger impact for its shocking scenes if they weren't so part of the early 2000s cultural zeitgeist. It's really a standard sex comedy, except I think it does different brands of awkwardness really well. I can see why it became such a cultural icon, but I'm probably 27 years too late on watching it to enjoy it to the fullest extent.
Year: 1968
Rating: 5.5 / 10
Content Warnings: Light nudity, Blood, Sexual references
Summary: A space representative from Earth named Barbarella is tasked to track down a man named Durand Durand and stop him from using a weapon that could destroy humanity.
This movie is confusing at times but it's saved by the sets/costumes and over-the-top nature. Is it a great movie? Maybe not. It's fun, it's cheesy, and the sets and visuals are so strange and alien it fits well into a sci-fi setting. The flying scenes with the angel Pygar are hilarious every time because they just look so silly.
It's probably not one I'd rush to revisit, but it's fun. A quirky gem that reflects the sexual liberation of the 60s. Really, I do think Jane Fonda and the overall set design and costuming carried the movie which otherwise would be thought about like a more goofy version of Zardoz.
Year: 1998
Rating: 1.5 / 10
Content Warnings: Domestic abuse, Kidnapping, Death (Parental, spouse)
Summary: A witch tries to bring back her abusive partner from the dead and it goes wrong.
This movie was so bad. Ohhh my god. I think It's better to highlight the parts that were enjoyable first: 1. Beautiful setting! You can't beat a quaint New England town by the ocean! 2. The children and the aunts were adorable. 3. The acting was fine!
To talk about this horror-show I have to go through the plot because everything horrible is plot related.
Introducing the story, we hear about an ancestor of our main girls who was set to die, didn't, and ended up exiled off to an island, pregnant, waiting for her lover who never returned. Her grief over this caused her to curse her own bloodline that any man who loves a member of it will die. Starting off that's stupid as hell, but sure, maybe she was really that bitter. I can excuse this, it's a small part of the movie.
Our protagonist's parents die; Their father from the curse and their mother from heartbreak over it, leaving our 2 sisters, Sally and Gillian, to be taken care of by their aunts. They're told this curse and generally outcasted from the town. We quickly fast forward: Gillian runs off to live a party lifestyle and fall in love while Sally ends up falling in love locally and having 2 kids. It's obvious Sally's husband dies and this causes her and the kids to move in with the aunts.
All of this: A little predictable? Yes. Is it egregious? Not yet!
Sally grieves for like 2 days before deciding she wants to fall in love with someone else all while ignoring her daughters. Literally these poor girls lost their father and she doesn't give a shit she's just ignoring them and they're acting like nothing happened. Gillian calls up Sally and tells her she needs help escaping her newest lover who's abusive. She shows up and then helps her get her stuff and go. She realizes she's missing some tiger eye charm and goes into her lover's car to get it and...
This is where the point of no return for this being a good movie goes.
Her boyfriend is in the back of his car and grabs her. He takes her hostage with... Seemingly no weapon and the guy isn't like built or anything. But nonetheless, Sally complies and they drive off together. Sally spikes his drink that he handed up with an herb to knock him out, but it takes longer than expected. He starts attacking Gillian, Sally kills him, but it seems to be due to the herbs. They end up driving to the aunt's place and for some insane reason Sally is more than happy to help Gillian ressurect him.
Now, I don't want to victim-blame. Gillian obviously has some attachment to this man and it's unhealthy. But why the hell does her sister go "Okay!:D" to ressurecting this man who just beat the shit out of her sister? It genuinely makes no sense and makes me wanna tear my hair out. Anyway, as was warned when Sally's husband dies, you can't revive someone and they'll be normal. Sally knocks him out, thinks she killed him again, they bury him.
Yada yada, the aunts leave on vacation or some shit because they don't wanna deal with this (I think. It's not really clear; Especially as the aunts know the girls are kind of stupid. Also why would you leave 2 little kids in this environment too...? Again the neglect is kind of insane.) An investigator shows up and Sally is a mess saying she can't lie to this guy and it's this whole annoying thing where she says too much. They find out Gillian's undead boyfriend has killed women in the past and the guy's looking for him-- whatever. That takes a backseat because it's time for ROMANCE!!!!
Sally and the investigator start this like romantic thing where she's like "no... we can't do this..." But then lets him stay for breakfast outside by where the body is buried. Every moment with those two on screen is so annoying there's nothing appealing and it feels like the only thing that is making her act this way is the fact he has 2 different colored eyes-- something I guess she wished for in a man as a kid because "a guy like that doesn't exist" or some shit. Also, despite it being such a big thing when they meet she suddenly gets confident overnight with him and it's like... Huh...? Girl you're being INVESTIGATED!!! Get it TOGETHER!!! Also he's kind of an asshole too on top of everything. I don't like him. I don't like the sisters either.
TLDR: Gillian's ex uses her as a conduit. Investigator goes back to Arizona, where he's based out of after finding a ring that Gillian claimed was her's. Sally realizes she has to use magic, something she doesn't wanna do for some reason, to save her sister. She gets all the local women who hate her to help exorcise her-- which... Makes no fucking sense. They HATE that family I don't even know how they have jobs in this town. Anyway, they save her, the investigator throws out the evidence and now they're openly witchy to the town.
This movie sucks so bad. Ohhh my god. The story starts off breakneck and then goes SOOO SLOW. There doesn't feel like a real build up of the sibling connection either, or I guess maybe we're just supposed to infer that because they're both dumb as rocks. There's also a thing about the aunts seemingly being immortal but that's never explained. The children are so neglected; I keep saying it but it's painful how much of an afterthought they are-- why even include them...? It's not even like Sally grieves her husband for long! It's so tied to hetero nonsense it's tiring. I just do not get the fanfare for this movie. I think I genuinely preferred the nonsense in Age of Adaline. Least that-- a romantic fantasy film-- made me laugh more than this supposed romcom fantasy film.
Year: 2026
Rating: 2.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Death/Murder, Blood/Gore, Animal torture [fake]
Summary: A girl who works as a content reviewer for a TikTok-esque company stumbles upon a video that seems uncomfortably real.
I knew nothing good would come out of this. I have absolutely no interest in the series it derives it's name from nor anything like it, really. Of course being a child of the internet I know what it is and know what they're riffing off of.
Let me start with the positives: For a movie like this, I do think it starts off interesting! The concept of content reviewer as a job/part of a job is a fascinating thing to delve into, especially hearing horror stories of the conditions of real life workers. I also think it's cool that they casually made the main character a lesbian and didn't make it a dead girlfriend troupe or about her finding love, and more just that's part of her as a person (not that films centered around lesbian romance are bad in anyway obviously; But it's nice to see LGBT people be represented without there always being a need for a romantic plot/subplot.)
I also think early on they did tackle the conversation of "why are things moderated" in a way that's interesting (i.e., the banning of useful content such as narcan instructions or putting on a condom, but violence is fine. However, I do think there's a missed opportunity here with also the censorship of LGBT content with these platforms, especially having a lesbian lead.). (Please keep in mind the early on here-- as that does not hold up.) The acting and SFX are good too! Nothing bad to say there! I also think the killer having sockpuppet accounts is funny.
Now, the negatives: The first part of the movie? Fine! Interesting set up as I described, some things are incredibly corny though. Namely: In a world where I guess everyone is desensitized EXCEPT for this girl because of her experience? I'm not saying that people aren't as a whole more desensitized because of the spread of technology, but I do not think they're so desensitized that they don't care either. It gives edgy teen media at times with some of it's energy with that as well. I also think a world where everyone seems intimately familiar with the series and is quite passé about it is also very far fetched; Hell, my mom, who I watched this movie with, and who saw the original, still thought it all was real. Also, I really doubt most horror fans have a VHS of it on their shelf in 2026.
I also thought people immediately knowing who she is from a video of her sister dying was really far-fetched. I'm not a influencer person, so maybe that has a part in it... But even so people viewing her more as a spectacle just doesn't even feel like that's grounded. If this was supposed to be a dark comedy or satire, I could give some leeway-- still stupid and edgy, but I'd understand a little more.
All of that? I can forgive! I can forgive plot holes and a lot of stupidity in the first half. It's the second half that drove me insane and leading to this review being so low.
The turning point moment was the following: Main girl is captured and gets out of her constraints and shit with another girl all while the killer is filming TikToks doing stupid shit. Whatever. However, our main girl decides to spent all this time watching videos on a external hard drive... Why? I don't fucking know! Girl, get out of there!!! It's obvious just from the very well-named folders that there's all the evidence you need. Why she sits there going through every folder and watching makes no sense.
Anyway, the other girl gets shot down. It seems the guy lives in some like... Park... Community... Like, there's obviously a lot of people around and he's been firing a gun but somehow NO ONE sees him. Live in a neighborhood with a lot of houses, everyone's always out and in everyone's business.
She finally leaves the house with a minor injury. The killer stops chasing her halfway to go deal with the other girl who he shot. Main girl bangs on a car door but the family speeds away thinking she's a killer (????). Despite many cars being in the vicinity, she gives up, but she does get ahold of 911! Great! She has the external drive, she can go! So she gets picked up by the police but the killer has called saying she's unstable, WHATEVER. She, for some reason, doesn't let the cops know about the drive and instead gets out and yells at the killer as the police are talking to him. She ends up going to the ER alone which... Makes no fucking sense the police don't even ask her questions and she doesn't say shit about the drive still.
Instead her plan of action is.... Go to his house. Why? Because he sent her a text saying "Bring my drive or else everyone dies you have 1 hour". Like yes because we're going to believe a serial killer doing it for funsies he's gonna let everyone he tortured go. Like... Huh???? He answers the door and she goes in and he guides her around. He goes on his villain monologue and brings up how she's the perfect one to help him because she saw her sister die while they were filming a TikTok. It makes no sense. He literally says something like "Your sister was an actual face of death" like he's the Joker or some bullshit. REALLY horrible line it kind of was astounding. Anyway his thing is that people like remakes thats why he's basing his killings off of stuff from the original and yada yada people are desensitized. Whatever, it's an incredibly cringey villain monologue that's so on the nose you might have to get it checked out. She kills him and it's revealed she was filming it via body cam and the chat is just as annoying as you'd expect.
I think they leaned too much on really annoying nihilism to a point it became satire rather than an apt social critique to make it poignant. Not to mention, the villain's speeches toward the end just made it feel so stupid and cheap. The decision making in the second half completely ruined a film that would've at least landed a 5 otherwise. I kept yelling at my screen and became so frustrated by the main character's decision making.
This film could've been a really interesting discussion on the topics it fumbles, but falls very flat and instead leans on stuff that feels like it was written by an edgy teenager. One day there'll be a film that tackles things revolving around the internet and horror and actually be worth watching. Today's not that day.
Year: 2008
Rating: 7.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Blood/Gore, Death, Pedophilia, Attempted Sexual assault, Vomit, Necrophilia [Mentioned], Piss, Flashing lights
Summary: After the death of her brother, a girl seeks revenge on those who tormented him.
I didn't expect greatness going into this movie, but I did expect it to be pretty entertaining. I've seen a two of Noboru Iguchi's movies and I've liked them (and loved Nuigulumar Z in particular!)
The movie's premise is a simple revenge film: The son of a yakuza extorts a boy and his friend, leading to both of them being killed. The sister of the boy then goes looking for revenge.
I will say, it's gratuitous in gore and some of it is decent SFX, some is just cheesy-- but this movie is so heavy on the camp, I don't think it matters. In that same note, the over-the-top bleed out nature of this film has to be excused because everything is over the top, you have to throw out logic. I genuinely love when films are like this though-- I believe fully in go big or go home.
I think there are some genuinely interesting kills, with and without the machine arm that our main girl, Ami, eventually obtains. There's a scene at the beginning where Ami's arm gets fried into tempura... There's no kill here, but it's genuinely so ridiculous that it's a joy.
I also think it's cool that the movie revolves around cool badass women-- even the scariest person in the Yakuza family is the mom! And she really brings the energy! I really love Ami and Miki's (the mother of the other boy who was murdered) relationship and I do have to say, I wish the ending had Miki alive though and her taking in Ami as her own.
It's just fun and I needed something good and a little campy after my bad run of movies. I enjoyed it!
Year: 1984
Rating: 4.5 / 10
Content Warnings: Light nudity, Sex
Summary: An aspiring artists ends up going to the moon.
This movie is... Weird. Tonally strange and nothing story-wise blends together super well. It's obviously a critique on capitalism and facism at points, but it feels like it does it in such a way that beyond that, I can't tell what they're getting at. It's surreal but doesn't feel like it's cohesive enough to carry itself.
The most interesting parts of the film are: 1. The majority of the film being fashioned like a pre-color film, with intermittent parts being in color 2. The whole subplot involving old people going to the moon to shop, but because society ignores the elderly, no one believes them. 3. The fact this movie has had such a sparse and strange release-- having seemingly 1, not-widespread theatrical screening and never being on home video. That's made even weirder given it's cast going on to have really well-known careers all tied to SNL.
The movie in general is a hodgepodge of sci-fi drama with romantic elements. It's apparently a comedy too, but I didn't really see that angle. The story is a both hard to parse but also feels lacking. The general synopsis of it sounds a lot more fantastical and interesting than it ended up being in my opinion.
Year: 2025
Rating: 8.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Colonization (of the Māori people), Sexual assault, Violence, Domestic abuse, Incest, Animal death (fake), Gore/blood/Death
Summary: Looking for answers on her past, a woman follows a letter to the home of a rich whaler who asks her to be the governess to his granddaughter.
This movie did such a great job of building tension and anger. That lead actress did such stunning job portraying anger welling up in her face and mannerisms, you could feel it through the screen. After watching movies and shows lately and going "Why the hell would you do that!?" at the main characters, it felt SO refreshing to see the lead carry herself with agency and react in a way that feels appropriate and real. Genuinely was nice to see some competent writing of a main character that didn't cause frustration.
I do feel like I was lost at certain points-- mainly just because I don't have the certain backing to understand everything. Which I wouldn't put that onus on the movie, but I do feel like if I were to rewatch it, it would help to fill in some gaps of symbolism.
I only really have 2 gripes with the movie, which do feel quite small: 1. Some of the lighting felt dark. I would say 90% of the movie handled a gothic tone while still making it visible really well. The part that sticks out is the whole tunnel section because I feel I lost some of whatever she saw down there because it was hard to see. 2. Ironically at a similar point in the movie is 2 parts of the plot: A. I don't really understand what the maid was doing with the granddaughter (I wasn't clear if she was trying to run away with her or what?); Also I don't understand what the uncle was doing either by... Chloroforming them? B. I don't really get leaving the paper. I suppose the uncle did it to lead to that door...? I don't know. I guess this whole section left me a bit confused.
Other than that, I think it was well done and shot beautifully. Really hope to see that lead again in a movie, she really stood out with her presence. The other actors also did a good job and really made you feel such a discomfort from the jump.
I feel it's kind of easy to market something as gothic and either make it cheesy or not deliver, but this does genuinely feel like a good, gothic movie-- and one with a really strong backing of theme!
Year: 2026
Rating: 7.5 / 10
Content Warnings: Birth/Pregnancy, Blood, Light nudity, Sex
Summary: A couple move to a desolate part of the Finnish woods and have a child. However, the mother finds adjusting to parenting hard, especially as her child seems to crave blood.
A solid movie! Acting was good, the pacing was good (though I will say the first like 10 speeds up the story very quickly, but not in a way I mind)! The whole movie I was torn between the idea of "is this really happening or is it just this woman's really bad post-partem?" You do find that out! And I'm glad it was actually something beyond post-partem, personally.
Overall just a decent folk-ish horror movie.
Year: 1992
Rating: 5.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Animal death (fake), Animal testing (fake), Abuse (child abuse, abuse of a disabled person), Flashing lights, Light nudity, Sex, Death, Mention of sexual assault
Summary: After the death of his monkey test subject, a scientist takes a leave and decides to experiment with the mind of a man with an intellectual disability.
*Director's Cut vers
Is this a good movie? ... Not really. Is it an entertaining movie? Occasionally, yes!
It's a strange vision of future tech that can only be achieved by pre-2000s cinema, and I think that's beautiful. The first hour or so is decent enough to ignore the faults... And then you progress and they become more and more visible.
From the first 30 minutes or so, you can see how this'll go: A man with a intellectual disability named Jobe meets a cyborg monkey who escaped and is now violent, but the monkey bonds with this guy. The monkey gets killed, leaving both Jobe and the scientist who created him distraught. Jobe, who also happens to mow the scientist's lawn, gets set up to be the scientist's new, private experiment in trying to make him smarter.
If you read the end of that and guessed "he then becomes evil and the scientist has to stop him"-- yes, that's exactly what happens.
I think part of this movie's hinderance is it's length. There's a little over 30 minutes of difference in these versions, and what has been taken out is... Strange. The whole movie set up with the chimp seems to be the most major difference-- which is weird because while it's not per se the most pleasant thing, it also gives a lot of context to the rest of the film and the idea of it not being there sounds strange. This is literally 13 minutes of plot set up missing. There seems to be other, much smaller cuts... But nothing of the same caliber.
One plot thing I really wish was cut is they didn't need to add any of that with the scientist's wife. She didn't need to be a character, I'm sorry. Her roles in this film are... Complain about his work and then later be turned into a 50s housewife and subsequently get killed (... Many things to say about her role and honestly any of the other women in this film, minus maybe the diner lady who's in the film for probably 2 minutes.) (Also she's turned into this 50s housewife archetype by super smart Jobe who by all means hasn't been shown to be sexist... Which is... a choice... This isn't even a "human error AI thing" because that's not a concept this film explores or is relevant.)
There's also a very unneeded line about the priest who raised Jobe talking about molesting him which is not needed in the slightest. It has absolutely no bearing on anything else-- he was an asshole already, it's not like he needed extra horrible person points.
The acting in this movie is both baffling and a delight. Truly some performances that are bizarre-- such as... Why does the priest not have a strong accent, but his brother does? Everyone but Jobe and the scientist have almost cardboard cut-out like performances that just feel absolutely jarring.
I also have to talk about the tech elements in this film. They're such an eyesore, it's a pleasure. The 3D graphics are... Genuinely something to behold, especially in the latter part where they start taking more defined humanoid shapes. One of my favorite questionable parts is when Jobe and this woman he begins seeing (she really doesn't matter much either) go into virtual reality together and he turns into this weird... Monster... thing? And in the most deadpan voice she's like "Stop... You're scaring me..." And they keep showing this goofy thing over and over. You can tell they were really proud of the effects by how much they used them. I do appreciate that! Go big or go home!!
The movie in general will probably stand out more for it's absurdly goofy nature rather than anything else. I do think people who want to see some weird scifi nightmare should watch this because it really is a sight to behold in that respect.
Year: 2001
Rating: 5.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Sex, Light nudity, Unsanitary, Sexual Harassment/Peeping
Summary: A continuation from the last American Pie movie where the boys are now in college
*Beyond Clueless List
It's fine. It's not bad, it's not great, it's an average sex comedy of it's time. It had a few moments that made me painfully cringe (which is the aim!) and smile a few times. It did have some things that were painful in the early 2000s sex comedy kind of way about sexuality and gender. If you like the first one, you'll probably like this continuation. As for myself? The first one was okay and this one is just okay as well.
Year: 2005
Rating: 2.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Sex, Sexual Harassment, Light nudity, Unsanitary
Summary: Picking up with the story of one of the main character's brothers, who aims to be part of the adult film making business like his brother. However, his plans are slightly changed as he's forced to go to bandcamp.
*Beyond Clueless List
This movie has a distinctly different feel from it's predecessors and feels more like even-hornier fanfic. You'd easily mistake it as an unauthorized spin off if Eugene Levy didn't appear. It feels a lot skeezier than previous entries.
Everyone is enjoyable except the main guy, who, like his brother, goes by Stifler. Literally he only goes through a small change by the last 10 minutes where he decides to have a change of heart and delete all of the sexually explicit material he's gathered on his friends and strangers... You know, which accounts for the other 1h20 of the movie. He gets forgiven though in these last 10 minutes and even gets the girl he was an asshole to the whole movie.
The women in the original 2 weren't the most fleshed out, but for some reason they're even more cardboard in this one. Our main girl, Elyse. personality shifts from being "domineering" (which, is seemingly solely caused by Stifler's bullshit and tormenting her years back) to seemingly forgiving everything in a blink of an eye. The other main girl, Chloe, has the sole personality trait of being alternative. It's a so-of-it's-time depiction of women in a "sex comedy"... In which this one is actively lacking on comedy. I don't even think Stifler gets properly punished for being a sex pest and everyone just kind of lets it slide.
I love camp settings but this one is ruined by it's own main character.
Year: 2018
Rating: 4.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Death, Blood/Gore, Sexual Assault, Unsanitary
Summary: Taking inspiration from the real Grand Guignol in Paris and it's scream queen Paula Maxa, Paula gets entangled with a reporter from a gossip magazine while grisly murders take place in the area around the building.
This is a rewatch! I watched this several years ago by now, solely for the fact it revolves around Paula Maxa and the Grand Guignol. I rewatched it because I wasn't sure if I didn't care for it or if I just watched it at an "off" period, thus tainting it. I had remembered the general story but not enough about it.
... On a rewatch, I see why I felt that way. The sets and effects are all quite stunning and fun. The idea of the movie sounds really interesting, but I don't think it's done well. It's a really dry and slow movie, with long lingering scenes that ended up making me feel drowsy rather than intrigued. The overall incredibly dark filming doesn't help how tiresome it becomes when you're transported away from the theater.
Paula Maxa's real life is fascinating just by how much is obscured due to her own actions. All this being said, from what I gathered, her whole backstory with her sister and boyfriend is a fabrication. I think it would've been more interesting if they went with making her history of making up things part of it, rather than this weird narrative.
I think this whole thing needed to be tightened up because the general premise is interesting! I just do not think it's done in a way that makes it an interesting watch. The romance angle is also quite boring and by far the worst part, and what they focus half the movie on.
Year: 2006
Rating: 2.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Sex, Nudity, Death, Unsanitary, Ableism, Mentions of statutory rape, Infidelity
Summary: Unlike the rest of his family, Erik Stifler has issues getting laid. He plans to run a naked mile with his cousin. His girlfriend then gives him a pass to have sex that weekend so he can lose his virginity, but then wants to revoke it.
*Beyond Clueless List
Somehow this movie feels even duller than the last. I feel like they kind of ruin Mr.Levenstein's character in this one and make him creepy versus being a horribly misguided but well-meaning figure. He also seems to feature as a recapper on the last movies like, "hey, do you remember this better movie?"
While not as overtly creepy as Band Camp was in premise, it also feels a lot more meanspirited and weird. It feels like the most painfully jockular type of movie that it almost makes a parody of itself. It's also incredibly heavy on being ableist towards little people...?
The movie feels like it has even less substance than the previous movies-- which 2 of them have been partying and 1 revolved around being a sex pest. The bulk of the movie is partying or football, with the plot throughline being the main guy getting a sex pass from his girlfriend who's hesitant to have sex for the first time. Her appearances in the movie from then are on being upset she said that and regretting it but not saying that to him. Her friends then want her to have sex with another guy lest she and her boyfriend are "not on the same level". If there's one compliment I can give, it's that women have as much sexual agency as the guys but it's still... Weird and uncomfortable focus on virginity that bespeaks a certain time. I will say least the main guy isn't a complete sex pest... But he's also boring as hell with no real charm to him.
The first few movie-- and even the second!-- rode the stride of being an awkward teen a lot better. This just feels like a 5th reheat of a 3/4 eaten sandwich.
Year: 1991
Rating: 6.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Death, Necrophilia, Sexual assault, Light nudity, General grossout stuff, Cartoon animal gore
Summary: A failing comedian starts growing an arm out of his back.
This ended up being kind of a depressing film about the fickleness of fame and friendship. I really gotta say: The set design, audio design and acting is a joy (with a notable cast for how obscured this movie seems to be). It really does create a certain atmosphere and a complete vision through these elements. The congruent nature of a company called Blumps is throughout the movie, but it's also strangely never commented on. I don't mind this because it really does make it feel like it's own alternate reality.
It's a strange film for sure, but I don't know if all elements land it enough for me to recommend it to others. I didn't hate it, I'm sure the weird and individual vibe will stick with me enough that I can't brush it off, however. It had a very specific vision and I think they went all out with it.
Year: 1995
Rating: 7.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Implied sex
Summary: An American man and a French girl meet on the train to Vienna. They end up spending the whole day together exploring, vowing to leave each other the next day.
It's... Okay. I kind of expected more. I knew it would be a mainly dialogue-driven movie, and that's fine! I just did not like one of the main characters and at times it felt very pretentious in a certain way that feels almost gauche. I guess it kind of makes sense-- they're 2 early 20-somethings in the 90s rambling on about various things, but it gets a little silly. The early parts are fine but it's when it starts to feel like the guy is babbling on and we even touch into the weird gender politics of it all does it just feel like, "okay is it time for you guys to depart yet?"
I guess that awkward inexperience plays into their relationship wanting to be something more from both sides and see each other again despite them both going "noo we'll just grow apart if we do that"-- which... Personally I always find that to be so lame. If you can't stand being physically apart I don't think you're meant to be, sorry. It's 1995 and they both do mention keeping in touch too, so it's not like it's something where that would be hard for either of them. Inevitably they want to stay in touch but I guess all I could think was "Oh girl do better than this guy."
I did like the main girl! And I do think the acting was good, they played up a lot of nice awkward tension and I could see them being a couple. Perhaps an ultimately unhappy one if the guy didn't stop being annoying, but, you know. The shots of the city were also quite beautiful. Also, let me say: As someone who has written so much dialogue of just getting to know someone, hats off to the director and the actors for making this work naturally. It's a pain in the ass to write stuff naturally and I feel they did nail a certain flow.
Year: 2004
Rating: 8.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Mentions of sex, Mentions of death (grandparent)
Summary: 10 years after their initial encounter, Camille and Jesse meet up again in Paris at a book signing for Jesse's new book, inspired by that original night.
I went into this with less hopes that the first one-- mainly because I thought the first one was decent, but not as mindblowing as it was built up to be. In this one, I can really see the vision a lot better-- not because I think anything in this one per se is better (minus liking Jesse's character a lot more)-- but because I see a clearer picture of the vision of this series. It's essential to watch the first one and then this one because of how time changes the main duo. It's actually a really interesting and fascinating take on how the course of their lives have changed.
We learn very early on that they did not in fact meet again in 6 months as they promised, due to Camille's grandmother passing. They also do mention how silly and naive they were about the whole thing and how they both wanted to be around each other. Honestly, their relationship developing more in this one I liked; Perhaps because it wasn't so windswept romantic, but more of something that felt adult-- as they were finally out of their 20s and into their 30s and much more developed as people. It follows a similar track as the same one-- a dialogue driven movie where the two characters float between scene, savoring their time together. You get a very good glimpse into their lives now and a nice re-breaking down the walls between the two again and it somehow feels even more personal.
This one leaves on a bigger cliffhanger, but you know they do meet again given there's a third. Perhaps knowing that the third is the final one leaves the ambiguous ending with more stakes. In fact, this ending is very abrupt in a way that I skimmed the credits to see if there was more. Very nice, a near-meditative experience.
Year: 2013
Rating: 6.5 / 10
Content Warnings: Nudity, Mentions of Sex
Summary: third and final installment that sees Camille and Jesse 9 years later in Greece.
This is... Honestly a really depressing addition that was kind of a bummer to get through. While I understand the directorial choice to go this route, I can't say it was enjoyable. Last cliffhanger, I started to really see their connection better and understand why they were so special to each other and this one sees them as near-strangers from the jump. I get that choice! In this one, they're living together in France, they have Jesse's son from his first wife on holidays and two twin daughters. There's an inevitable friction between the couple as they struggle to maintain the love between them as they also juggle raising kids, the challenges from Jesse's divorce, and work.
I'm not saying anything is inherently wrong with going this route. This does happen! I think it reflects on earlier sentiments they both discussed in the first movie and their worries. In this, they seem to be unable to actually speak to each other in a productive way anymore. Their conversations are very depressing because of the realism. The flow and natural way of this series is still quite strong.
...But it's not really an enjoyable thing to sit through is probably the more weightier presence on this whole thing. Yes, it feels naturalistic and realistic, but I grew up with parents who still to this day argue in a similar manner. It's not really pleasant to watch that with a fictional couple as well.
In the first one, I was annoyed at Jesse, but by the second I did understand the first a little bit better and how it's about the shaping of people over time. I still get it here, but it doesn't hit quite the same in terms of making it not feel like a 1h40m movie. I really wish they kept it to 2 films with an ambiguous ending.
When I got done with this movie, all I could think of was a certain quote from John Water's Female Trouble: "I worry that you’ll work in an office! Have children! Celebrate wedding anniversaries! The world of the heterosexual is a sick and boring life!"
Year: 2002
Rating: 7.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Animal harm (brief, nothing comes of it), Death, Gore/Blood, Infidelity
Summary: A high-achieving girl aims to get a TA position to secure her way into the FBI by any means necessary.
* Beyond Clueless List
I've heard about this movie for quite some time. It's kind of infamous in terms of bad "sequels". However, I don't think this movie is bad; It just shouldn't have gotten the "American Psycho" label on it. As a stand alone movie? It's not bad at all. It's a campy, ridiculous slasher. Whereas the original American Psycho had it's own ridiculousness, it's a totally different vibe: that was satire this is just campy horror.
Honestly, I don't think it would've gotten as bad of a reputation if not for the fact that it had "American Psycho" attached to it. That being said, it's by no means cinematic genius, but it's funny and the whole thing is just ridiculous, so it's at the very least entertaining.
Year: 1999
Rating: 2.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Sexual references, Light nudity, Parental death (mention), Cancer (mention)
Summary: The daughter of a porn producer plans to get her own money by selling her virginity in a virtual experience.
* Beyond Clueless List
Another sex comedy that is just... Not really good. The premise isn't a complete loss-- it could be a good commentary on the ownership people feel over their children's bodies, double standard in terms of gender and how people feel about sex, the predatory nature of capitalism, the fetishization of young girls and virginity, the behind-the-scenes mundanity of porn, and the quick innovation of technology and how society reflects on it.
Instead, it's primarily a film about a father hating an ex-employee-turned-rival and feeling creepy over his daughter and not wanting her to "grow up". Really, the daughter's agency in this situation is more or less a bookcasing to the plot rather than the main purpose. The vast majority of the film is spent on people trying to stop her rather than her motives and feelings. All we get is that she wants to become famous... And that's it. It's not even like she wants to be a porn star, she just wants to do that once and move on. And then she decides to quit when her boyfriend so easily convinces her he wasn't fooling around... But then those two do it regardless, in front of her dad, who still is angry until she kisses at him.
It really is a film where you wonder: who is this for? It's not erotic enough to be porn... You only ever get moans, a kiss, and one boob shot. i can't imagine people who are watching this for sexual pleasure are really getting what they want. It's nowhere funny enough to be a comedy-- in fact, it's creepy. The filmmaking is messy at points, with weird audio cuts that are startling. I don't get why this was conceptualized and made unless it was purely to cash in on the success of the main actress' roles in American Pie and American Beauty.
Year: 2012
Rating: 8.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Violence, Institutionalization, Ableism, Racism
Summary: A man is released from a psychiatric facility after an incident where he caught his wife cheating with a co-worker and attacked him. From there, he tries to get his life back together to make his wife forgive him, and meets a girl along the way who promises to help.
This is another one of those movies where you hear about it for years and somehow are able to miss completely what it's about but know it's a popular movie. Going in, I didn't know anything besides the fact that it's a romance movie people like. Coming out, I do see why!
It's a really unique script and I feel it does a really good job with character development and making the movie feel lived in. While you know the destination of the movie, it's still a very enjoyable ride and it really makes you root for this group of people. It's a romance at it's core, but it's also a movie that builds itself up well with a community of people-- from the main guy (Pat)'s family, his friends, a guy he befriended at the institution who's like a brother. It all works really nicely and comes together beautifully by the end. The movie has a lot of heart to it and it's funny. I see why this is an iconic standout of it's genre.
Year: 2025
Rating: 4.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Cults, Death/Murder, Gore
Summary: A world-famous singer comes back after a 30 year hiatus and invites 5 different media figures to come to his compound have a first-look at his new album.
Within the time that everyone pulls up to the compound, within the first 10, 15 of the movie: you know it's a cult. You know what this movie is going to be and where it's going. The whole idea of everything is very thin and fleshed out just enough to make it a movie, but not enough to really make it a super engaging movie.
There are a few things I can cite as liking: 1. The acting is great. I can't discredit any of the actors, they do a good job. 2. When the puppet show hits, I love the mice...rat... things. Great artistic direction. 3. That story of Julius Caesar I didn't know. Cool!
The rest of it felt like someone was cramming in their knowledge of Charles Manson's cult and Scientology and trying to make a movie inspired by those in a modern age of celebrity. It didn't really work for me, personally. The writing was on the wall for the plot so early on and there was nothing super surprising that made the journey stand out. Also I still don't get why the hell there was the thing with the yurt room. Also also I did find the Billie Holiday inclusion kind of strange tonally because... Personally, someone like Billie Holiday I don't associate with being hounded by the press, I associate her with being hounded by the FBI. (That could be personal bias, but I think most people think of that.)
I wish this movie worked a lot better because it had elements of something but the script felt so lackluster that I know I'll just forget about it.
Year: 1995
Rating: 4.5 / 10
Content Warnings: Bullying, Drugs, Sex [no nudity], Unsanitary, Slurs (homophobic), Light nudity, Home invasion, Implied sexual assault, Blood, Animal abuse/death (fake), Gun violence
Summary: A smart boy addicted to drugs is placed in an extreme test program to deal with children with behavioral issues, where he begins to get bullied.
God this is a weird movie for so many reasons. It feels almost lost to time despite it's main actors being Neil Patrick Harris and Matthew Lillard (I'm no actor aficionado but even I know those names). On top of that, there's a decent cameo of The Misfits...?
The movie is incredibly bleak. It just of feels miserable to experience and at a point all your hope is lost-- which is good in a way because I felt for the main kid! It's really about the failing of society for kids. Our main boys, Arnold (Neil) and Doug (Matthew) are two sides of a similar coin. They both seem to come from affluent families (they live in New Jersey by the shore and live in mansions) and are both placed in a sort of detention room in school all hours of the day, pretty much left with minimal supervision and seemingly no classes.
Arnold isn't really a bad kid and seems to be more a victim of his circumstances... Which they don't really flesh out. You learn his mother is an alcoholic, seemingly from some family incident, but they never go into more detail. He's smart, but he's turned to drugs to cope with whatevers going on in his life. Doug on the other hand seems a lot more nebulous. He's cruel for the sake of cruelty (except to small children) and we never really hear or see his family.
There's also Gary, who was Arnold's childhood friend who he drifted apart from. Genuinely I really like Gary and Arnold's relationship and it's an interesting side part of the movie. Arnold has boxed himself off, while Gary is trying to rekindle a friendship, to the point of planning to go to the Caribbean with him once they graduate. He ends up standing up for Arnold at the end and eventually kills Doug. This then causes him to get killed by the police, who have done jack shit this whole movie despite numerous other crimes and death.
The mood is there for this movie, the acting is there. I guess I feel like nothing was deep enough for me to really enjoy it. I also don't get some plot beats; Like I said, people are hurt or injured and seemingly no one has reported this...? I can get the shit Doug gets involved in by explaining away "well, he's a rich kid, so the police sweep it under the rug more readily" ... But there's a point where another kid gets killed by a victim's father and nothing is done. I also don't really get the inclusion of Arnold's drug-induced daydreams? They happen primarily in the first half and I don't really get what they add minus some visual stuff. I might've missed something, but I don't feel the weird stripclub-esque scenes he imagines do much to add to the plot. Also, I don't get Doug's girlfriend who doesn't seem to mind her disabled father being beaten, her mother sexually assaulted but incredibly upset that Doug kills an animal...? Like... I don't get it.
I guess I just wanted more out of this whole experience, especially for how depressing the whole thing was. I feel these sorts of movies need some more backing behind them for you to fully engage in the tragedy they're painting.
Year: 2016
Rating: 7.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Parental death (mentioned), CGI animal harm, Sexual innuendos, Why did they probe up his ass, Pandemic
Summary: A hedgehog named Bobby loses his memories and goes on an adventure.
* Also known as Bobby the Hedgehog. This is an American release/English dub version.
Movies like this make ratings hard.
This is no cinematic masterpiece. The plot is thin. The animation is overall not very good and the characters are quite terrifying at times. However... I had a blast watching this. Still, watching this was a mistake. I meant to view it for a few minutes, laugh a little, and go back to what I was doing.
Hedgehogs made me stick around, perplexed by its vision of the titular creature.
I suppose this design of a hedgehog falls somewhere in the Sonic scope. I grew up playing Sonic and watching old Sonic cartoons. This whole thing made me wonder, "If I wasn't told Sonic was a hedgehog from a young age, would I so easily be able to register him as such?" By all means, hedgehogs are not blue, nor do they typically wear shoes or are in any way proportioned like that.
I'd say Bobby reminds me a little of the original design for the Sonic the Hedgehog movie that debuted in 2020. It's not as uncanny, but it is as off visually. Bobby reads to me more as some sort of pikachu-esque creature rather than a hedgehog. In fact, if you had placed him in any other movie that wasn't so focused on pushing that yes, indeed, THIS is a hedgehog... I would have no issues.
That being said, this movie changed me. I began laughing at this pitiful looking beast... But it ended up being kind of cute to me at times. Those times did not include the freaky closeups of his glowing blue eyes. That was fucking horrifying and I think they needed to tone that down.
The other designs in the movie are overall fine. ~90% of the other animals register easily as what they're supposed to be. The other 10%...? Let's talk about the badger in the room. That's not a fucking badger. Badgers do not look like that you cannot convince me that's a badger. It looks more fox-like and tends to sound like a stock effect of a wolf gnashing. It's a scary and unsightly beast.
Also, the other hedgehogs that Bobby later meets are all kinds of fucked up. There seem to be 5 types of hedgehogs in this world: Bobby, Baby, Steroid-taking, Freaky elder, Woman. There seems to be one single woman hedgehog in this movie and she is 1. Named Rose 2. Pink 3. Her spikes never go up despite a call to action. Hey, actually, why is she not included in the fight or training? Does she not matter? What the fuck?
Actually this movie has a whole other issue with weird sexism. You got three main examples: Woman who we only see her ass, Bird who seems to be horny all the time, woman hedgehog.
I should actually talk about the plot. It's kind of unnerving given todays day and age: Set in a time where a respitory pandemic breaks out and it's being reported its coming from animals. Again, I should mention: This is pre-COVID. This isn't some conspiratorial connection, it's just strange and like, "oh...". Bobby gets hit by a train while fighting with the badger, picked up by this bird who is your typical goofy comic relief. They go on this whole adventure where Bobby ends up being picked up by an animal scientist and checked over for the virus and cleared. This scientist apparently is showing up to this tech guy's place to report "hey, so, this isn't the animals"... But rich guy wants deforestation because it'll make him rich and calls for every animal ever to get killed or something. It's not super expanded upon but thats how the movie makes it seem.
TLDR; Bobby escapes, winds up in a park where he finds other hedgehogs. They are upset because he won't put his spikes down (they want him to because "it's dangerous"). Yada yada, the park in which they live is set to be destroyed and the animals in it killed. The hedgehogs fight back with the other animals (there's some vague backstory on the elder-hog not wanting to use his spikes because of something with the death of his wife...?) Bobby saves the day by using his spikes to dismantle the rich guys suit; They get sent to an animal sanctuary. Happily ever after.
This movie is similar to Pinnochio: A True Story. It's not really good. However, it's incredibly enjoyable to watch and be in awe of how this came about. It's so weird and looks quite startling at times and the animation is... Rough. However, I totally enjoyed myself and I can't say that for every movie. It'll stick with me, and I am happy and fine with that.
4:07pm .... // 09.01.2026