Year: 1970
Rating: 2.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Very fake blood, Death, Guns, Taxidermied animals
Summary: A retelling of the famous novel of the same name.
This apparently is the most accurate retelling of the story. The acting is fine, the cinematography is fine (aside from the goofy looking bats and special effects– but I like those lol.)... But it’s incredibly dull. Granted, I’m not the biggest fan of Dracula adaptations unless they have something special (Bara no Konrei and the 1931 version are the 2 that are exempt). At a point, I had to put it on 1.5x speed because 45 minutes in, it feel like it was 3 hours– This actually did help! The section where Renfield dies in particular was incredibly goofy looking like this (and the taxidermy scene-). It made the film certainly more enjoyable than its normal speed... But it still wasn’t good.
This is probably only a movie to check out if you’re running a gauntlet on every Dracula adaptation... But even then, I suggest doing it on 1.5x speed and saving some time.
Year: 1986
Rating: 6.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Gore/Blood, Suicide/Self harm, Nudity, Implied sex
Summary: A disgruntled office worker evades work for 4 days. As he tries to commit suicide, he finds out he can’t die.
I never thought I’d be here. Knowing this series of films is primarily focused on being gore-centric, I thought I’d spend the rest of my life not watching it. However– I’ve seen gifsets on tumblr of the latter movies and heard that the 3rd one is comedic... So I decided to reassess.
I would watch the first 2 before this one but I have absolutely no interest in pure gore/torture movies. However, this one– now this one is worth a watch.
I’m not going to say it’s the best movie ever by any means, but it was thoroughly entertaining (especially as I watched it right after Count Dracula). The gore is gross but I wouldn’t really call it realistic (maybe it was more so in the first 2– thinking of the Charlie Sheen reporting it story)-- but it is still gross-out. However, that’s really not important to me. What’s important to me is the following: The story.
The story is the gem in this case because it’s so ridiculous and the main actor just seems to be having a blast in this role. I find it very funny how he approaches the whole thing and how he decides to just scare his friend who started dating his ex. My absolute favorite part is at the end, when the ex comes to see what’s taking her new boyfriend so long and she discovers her boyfriend passes out in a blood-splattered room... And the talking head of the main guy. She just ends up berating him on his manners and the fact he’s not thinking about the landlord.
If you can handle a decent amount of blood/gore/self harm and have 40 minutes to spare on a weird film, it’s worth a watch at the very least.
Year: 1986
Rating: 5.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Death, Blood/Mild gore, Light nudity
Summary: At a party, a woman’s ex brings over a ouija board. This launches her interest in contacting the spirits, much to her boyfriend’s dismay.
I think the concept of this film was overall fun! The issue... Is the main guy, Jim. I hated him. I understand his role in the movie and a good part of it involved him being the one to mature and change himself... But I hated him so much I wish he’d have died instead of Brandon, his ex childhood friend and his fiance, Linda’s, ex. There’s nothing satisfying for me to see a guy be an aggressive douchebag most of the film in the last 20 minutes have a change of heart and suddenly everything is okay with him and his love interest. To put it in perspective: As Linda tells Jim she’s pregnant (while living together and being engaged), she says “And you love me... even though I know you don't know it" – Bro says nothing to this. I realize how common this type of nonsense was at the time of the movie, but I also just do not care for this guy, that's absolutely crazy work.
That aside, it was creative and I loooved the psychic in the movie. Wish we saw more of her, her character was very endearing.
Fuck Jim.
Year: 1971
Rating: 4.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Nudity, Sex (more implied/softcore)
Summary: 2 girls get lost in the countryside and find themselves being taken in by a witch who wishes to keep them forever.
I had a general feeling going in what this would be like: Very nicely shot scenes, minimal plot, mid-to-bad erotica. I got a little more plot than I was expecting, but it’s still very thin.
Like I wrote in the summary, the general gist is two girls (Francois and Anna) get entangled with a witch (Morgan) who whisks girls off to her magic castle and gives them a choice: become one of her lovers and be immortal or be trapped in her dungeon and slowly age until you die. Morgan taking a special liking to one of the girls, Francois, and tries to induce her in her closest circle of lovers, whereas Anna is relegated to... I guess her second quadrant of lovers. It’s not really explained well why there are like 3 girls in the main house and like 50 in her basement-dungeon. Francois tries to leave the castle and the other 3 main lovers help her, as they’re jealous of Morgan’s affections towards her.
The softcore scenes are nothing to write home about especially as it doesn’t even give off the feeling of passion or erotica it’s trying to instill. There’s a scene where a woman pours a drink of some kind down another woman’s body and a lady just... goes up the trail mainly with her chin. It ends up being textually kind of offputting. Most of the other scenes are women pretending to kiss (or if there is contact, it just feels very phoned in and bored, especially for something that’s explicitly erotica.)
The plot is both shallow and confusing. Before we really get a grip on how Morgan acts, Francois calls her cruel (which she does show herself to be later on–... But Francois doesn’t know jack shit except she was whisked off. At the point of her saying this, she hadn’t even tried to escape yet the first time.) There’s also a point when she tries to escape a second time that she’s... Painfully obvious about what she’s doing and doesn’t try to hide herself or anything, despite being in a room full of Morgan’s lovers with no cover. In addition, Morgan has a manservant named Gerth who keeps going on how he’ll take over as the master of the castle but... There’s absolutely nothing to back why he’s saying it.
Anyway, the ending sees Francois escape without Anna, because Anna gave her soul over and Francois did not. However, upon seeing an older woman, Francois is scared of the future and runs back to be Morgan’s lover; She ends up coming across a sleeping version of herself and Anna from before on the way back and looks in at them– cut to the credits. I'm not expecting biting social commentary here or anything even remotely feminist from a lesbian erotic film directed by a man but I still did feel a bit ":/" at that.
I will say: The music is very nice and fitting and the cinematography is lovely. I think the actress playing Morgane fit very well. The story’s bones were interesting, but it wasn’t done in a particularly interesting way– opting more for very bland erotica than substance in my opinion.
Year: 2018
Rating: 7.5 / 10
Content Warnings: Sex, Nudity, Drugging
Summary: After being fired by her husband, a woman named Lulu sees a commercial for a “Evening with Beverly Linn Luff, For One Magical Night Only”. She then goes on a quest to see him at a nearby hotel.
Let me start off this review by saying something point blank: If you’re not a fan of Jim Hosking’s writing style, which is more often than not, weird and bizarrely stilted dialogue, you should avoid this. I feel a lot of negative reviews probably are from people who are not into his style of writing– which is absolutely fine! It’s not for everyone.
I saw Jim Hosking’s other major feature, The Greasy Strangler, some years back and fell in love with it’s very strange stylings and offbeat story. In comparison, this one is a lot more tame, but his style is still very much so written on it.
The general rundown, continuing from the summary, is this: Lulu leaves her husband Shane after she finds out that he robbed her brother Adjay and Adjay sends a man named Colin to get it back. Lulu ends up forcing Colin to take her to the hotel where Beverly Luff Linn is set to perform. As the show keeps getting pushed back due to Beverly’s stomach issues, Lulu tries to find a chance to be alone with him away from his helicopter manager, Rodney and find out why he’s not able to talk; As this is happening, Colin falls deeper and deeper in love with Lulu. Meanwhile, Shane is trying to find out where his wife is as Adjay keeps visiting his store demanding his money back. Eventually, we find out Lulu believed Beverly, who was her professor and ex-lover, was dead after he disappeared on a trip with her. He performs, they end up getting to talk it out, Lulu and Colin get together.
The summary I laid out is pretty bare bones and detracts from the fun character writing, but it does bring home a point that’s hard to miss after watching TGS– It’s a lot more “mainstream” in terms of story. This isn’t a bad thing! I still really enjoyed the movie! But I think I was too highly comparing it to TGS before going in and wished it was the same caliber. That being said, I still had fun the whole movie and there were a host of good actors (and some returnees from TGS as well!).
I still think it’s worth a watch if you’re into a certain type of off-beat and bizarre movie, but if you’ve watched TGS, don’t go in with comparisons between the two movies.
Year: 2011
Rating: 7.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Blood/Gore/Death (Over the top), Nazi-ism, Nudity, Sexual assault, Vomiting, Drugging, Mentions of CSA, F-slur
Summary: As a child, Jubei learns he has super powers relating to baseball, which results in the death of his father. Years later, after killing a man, he’s sent to juvie and is persuaded to join the baseball team after vowing never to touch the sport again.
Deadball had me hooked from the first 2 minutes. In fact, I clipped 30 seconds and sent it to friends, I was so taken back. When to comes to horror, I love a special type that has incredibly bad graphics just for the fun of it.
This is a weird movie through and through and it doesn’t shy away from it. From literal Nazi prison wardens to murderous baseball to Kamiyama from Cromartie High School... Yes, that Cromartie High School! In fact, the director of this also made the live action Cromartie High School some years prior. Also, Nezumi-Otoko from Gegege no Kitaro is there...! And a guy who’s mimicking Mike Tyson... And a guy who’s named Avatar who turns into the blue creature from the Avatar films with 3D glasses... And I feel another reference I didn’t get...!
This movie was overall really fun but did actually have a few moments of dragging in the middle and close to the end– I’d say these moments happened around the time where the baseball game begun. However, it still had enough ups and weird nonsense to make this a fun watch. I’m sure it’s even more fun to watch with other people than just alone.
Year: 1988
Rating: 3.5 / 10
Content Warnings: Body horror, nudity, death, General gross-out stuff (pus, worms, ect), Gore/blood, Cancer mention
Summary: A man encounters a mermaid he met years back in a manhole and sets out to paint her before he dies.
This is kind of a disappointing review. This really is the one that I heard so much about that made me reconsider my thoughts on watching the whole series– because I heard the story was good and it was usually described as beautiful.
Let me start off positively: It wasn’t a total waste of time. I think the first 20 and the last 10 or so is really interesting and in general the concept is interesting and strange all around. I really also like the set decor and the lighting used– plus I really do love the weird track they use for the outro music.
Now the bad... Well... Everything between the timeframe listed above is kind of boring if you’re not into purely gross-out stuff. The movie is only an hour long, so that’s about 20 minutes of just gross-out material near-nonstop without much to buffer it. It becomes slow and tedious.
I think if there was better editing, this film would’ve been a lot more interesting because the bookends of it make up a much more interesting story. However, this whole series of movies focuses more on gore and special effects, so I get that they were giving people what they came for, and I’m not the audience for that.
To each their own, and if you can probably not get bored by the midsection (and in general can stomach it), then it’s probably worth at least a watch.
Year: 2017
Rating: 6.5 / 10
Content Warnings: Nudity, Implied sex, Racism, Animal death (fake, but still a bit graphic/upsetting)
Summary: A cleaner at a government facility becomes interested in the amphibious specimen that’s brought there.
Well... My hopes were kind of low on this after Frankenstein. I remember years ago seeing it ad nauseaum on Tumblr so I was actually a bit excited to finally see it, but I kept my hopes low. I’m glad I did because it just kind of landed in being “okay”.
And that’s what I can say! It’s okay!
My biggest compliment is they do a really good job of tone and mood through music and the beautiful cinematography. Guillermo del Toro has a beautiful eye for cinematographers and I really think the creature in this had a cool design as well. I thought the acting was also really great– especially the main actress, but everyone supporting her as well. I also really liked the general set up of the movie and most of the plot.
... I guess my big issue is... I didn’t like the romance. For me, the creature felt more like an abused dog that begins to trust people rather than anything else. I think if they developed the creature a little more maybe I wouldn’t think that way— I don’t mean it needed to speak English or anything. I think the sign language route was extremely cool and I think if it learned more than like “egg” and a few other things, it would’ve added a lot more.
It’s kind of funny saying that because it was a 2 hour movie and by all means, it kept my attention and did not feel like it. However, I just left disappointed by it. Genuinely I think if they didn’t move it to a romantic/sexual connection or developed that connection more I would’ve at least given it more points.
I think overall I’m glad I finally saw it all these years later, but I don’t really see myself revisiting it. I wouldn’t per se suggest it unless you’ve liked other Guillermo del Toro movies (... Sans Pan’s Labyrinth because that seems to be the one movie of his I DO like and if you’re like me, that might just stay as the only one).
Year: 2013
Rating: 9.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Nudity, Death, Blood (non-realistic), Pedophilia (It’s not graphic but a guy does try and marry a highschooler / go out with another high schooler; These are both rejected)
Summary: Sentient spores from another planet come down to earth and two infect teddy bears in Japan. One leads to an army of zombies, the other ends up fighting it.
I watched this on Valentine’s Day with my beloved! A friend of mine (Hi Mouse!) brought it to my attention and just by the poster alone I knew at some point I wanted to watch this with my darling. This movie rocks. I just kept going “Epic...” throughout while my girlfriend was like “This has a very specific audience in mind”. It has everything you need– Tokusatsu, lolita fashion, yuri, a protag that reads as non-binary... And it’s all a bit insane! Like genuinely I think this is such a fun and creative story and it’s done in such an endearing way, I was smiling and laughing all the way through. I really loved the main girl, Yumeko– she made for such an endearing protagonist. Literally the only part I wasn’t happy about was Billy dying... Can’t even escape a bury your gays trope in this smh smhhhhh.... Really great experience. It’s one I’d love to go back and rewatch so I could see if it gets a 10.
Year: 2025
Rating: 5.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Death/Blood/Gore, Animal death
Summary: After the death of her mother, a girl and her father move to a small midwest town. One night, the mascot of the town starts killing off the teenagers.
This is one of those movies that’s just okay. It wasn’t bad, it wasn’t great, it just was fine. I got a few laughs here and there, but overall, it’s your standard slasher. I will say for some reason the audio on this felt incredibly muffled, even for a more recent film (and I watched it straight from an official streaming site, so it’s not something that it’s a bad quality version). That and the music in this movie was pretty mid. Other than that– nothing really else to write about.
Year: 1963
Rating: 8.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Suicide/Death, Blood (light)
Summary: A small-town priest struggles with his faith and his existence.
Ingmar Bergman has a rare ability– that is, to make a movie dealing heavily with religion and not be preachy and trite. His ability to weave religion and it’s status in humanity into interpersonal drama while not being overbearing on it’s merit is something that feels hard to find.
This is yet another well-crafted drama from him and one that feels as lonely and desolate as the feelings that our main character, Priest Tomas, goes through. The rumination and solidarity, even when others are in the room, is palpable.
Really good watch even if it kind of left me feeling a bit depressed. It's a hard movie to put my feelings into but I've been ruminating on it since watching.
Year: 2025
Rating: 4.0 / 10
Content Warnings: Death/Blood/Murder/Violence, Animal injury (not seen/heard, but mentioned along with a limping animal), General gross-out (vomit, a clogged toilet)
Summary: A former baseball player who’s still attached heavily to the sport accidentally gets caught up in a crime deal gone wrong after his friend leaves the country.
It’s... Okay. My issue with it really stems from a lot of poor decision making all around making me feel detached from it. I think the movie picks up in it’s later half at least and that was much more interesting than the first half. Nothing horrible to say about it, it’s fine overall but just wasn’t my cup of tea.
Year: 2004
Rating: 6.5 / 10
Content Warnings: Cheating/Infidelity, Mentions of sex, Domestic abuse (light)
Summary: A series of vignettes that show 4 people’s lives intertwining into a mess of infidelity.
This movie is the “emo song reference movie”-- as in, Fall Out Boy and Panic! At The Disco both refer to lines from this movie (“It tastes like you but sweeter” and "Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off, But it's better if you do.", respectively).
It’s a romantic-drama, but don’t go in hoping for a big romantic whirlwind. In my view, it’s more of some sort of commentary on intimacy and conquest. Throughout the movie, in my opinion, it seems only one of the four– Alice– seems to care about the notion of being in love, while the other 3 seem to be in it for the conquest and game of it, as they cheat on their partners non-stop, almost seeming to be enjoying the validation that comes from being able to have someone else, rather than seeing that person as a romantic partner. Granted, this could just be from the styling of the movie, but I’m saying this from the fact that most scenes are about the cheating (namely, the fallout) that keeps happening between all 4 parties.
While I’m not saying it’s the best movie I’ve ever seen, it’s quite competent and is a decent romantic-drama. I think a lot of the lines are memorable and I do see how it seeped into the mind of those emo boys in the mid-00s. However, it's also one I don't think I'd really revisit.
9:57pm .... // 03.01.2026